THE MASTERS might just be the greatest golf tournament of them all - and that prestige is thanks in part to their strict rules.
Yes, if youre lucky enough to get a ticket for Augusta National then its best to get acquainted with some of the laws of the land laid down at this little slice of golf heaven, not least because if you infringe any of them you could find yourself turfed out before you can say Danny Willett
FIRST THINGS FIRST
Never, repeat NEVER, call the people attending the Masters fans.
They are patrons.
Always patrons.
PACK LIGHT
Its probably easier to say what you can take in to Augusta National, given how long the list of prohibited items is.
So where do we start, other than the usual things like booze, backpacks and beepers?
Got a small child with you? Well you cant take the pram in.
Fancy taking a commemorative photo of your trip to golfs promised land? Forget it. Cameras are only allowed on practice days.
Want to show your support for your favourite player with a banner or a sign? Not a chance.
And if you think you can sneak a periscope in to get a better view then think again.
For some reason, you cant take any weapons of any kind in either.
WATCH YOUR MOUTH!
They pride themselves on their politeness at Augusta thats why the Masters, in terms of atmosphere, is about as far removed from the Ryder Cup as is possible.
So any form of heckling is strictly forbidden at the tournament - although you may be allowed to wear a Tiger Woods mugshot T-shirt.
Indeed, they have a long list of phrases at the Masters that are -unofficially - frowned upon.
These include:
Dilly dilly (from a Bud Light TV ad, nothing to do with Claudio Ranieri)
Babo booey (from US shock jock Howard Stern)
Get in the hole (usually yelled by a drunken jock when someone tees off at a mammoth par-5)
Mashed potato (first shouted at Tiger Woods by a fan in 2011)
AND THAT APPLIES TO THE MEDIA TOO
In 1994, the CBS analyst Gary McCord was banned from working at the Masters when he described the 17th green as being so quick that it looked like it had been bikini-waxed.
He then compounded the error by adding that the body bags of those players who had come unstuck there were behind the putting surface.
Hes never been asked back.
STAND UP IF YOU LOVE SITTING DOWN
Ever wondered why everybody seems to be perched on little seats at the Masters?
Well, thats because youre not allowed to sit or lie down on the grass and why everybody brings their own portable chairs.
You can forget sunbathing too.
As if youd do that at a golf tournament.
DONT PHONE HOME
It may not come as much of a surprise to learn that mobile phones are banned at Augusta but it might when you learn just how strict they are at enforcing this rule.
Yes, if youre seen with a mobile even if its in your pocket youll not only be asked to hand it over but youll also be escorted off the premises.
WALK, DONT RUN!
Weve all watched golf tournaments on television where eager fans run from to hole to hole or scamper around to try and get closer to an errant tee shot thats been carved into the rough (usually by Phil Mickelson).
But if you so much as break into a jog as you make your way around Augusta National youll soon find yourself issued with a warning from a marshall.
The art, apparently, is mastering the power walk.
That way, you can get to the best vantage points as soon as the gates open at 8am each morning.
TOUT YOU GO!
In the rare event that you happen to have a spare ticket for the Masters and fancy cashing in then think again.
Theres a strict 2,700-foot boundary surrounding the course and if youre caught trying to flog any spares you could find yourself in a spot of bother with the local police.
But there is good news.
If youre outside of that boundary youre perfectly entitled to buy or sell tickets so long as youve got all the relevant paperwork.
SIGN ON!
Picture the scene.
Youre enjoying a sunny day at Augusta National when, suddenly, Kevin Na walks by just on the other side of the ropes.
I know, you think, Ill get him to sign my ticket. Itll be a nice memento.
Well dont, OK?
Its strictly forbidden on the course at Augusta.
In fact, the only place you can ask for one is near the practice area and even then youd better be quick.